Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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