Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
