he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
