You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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