..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
