im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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