listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
