god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
