what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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