Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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