This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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