i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize