worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
