he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
