I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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