were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
