wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
