I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
