A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
