She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
