is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
