OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
