I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
