No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
