Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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