it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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