On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
