Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
