What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
PANTIES FOUND
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