it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
