Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
