Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You need Xanax blowdarts
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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