i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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