i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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