your parents love me but you hate me
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
