dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
