just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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