i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
