Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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