I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
