She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
