i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Still dying that you shit outside
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
