I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
