Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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