I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
