Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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