I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
