Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
