If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
