I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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