He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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