If that was your dad, he is hot
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
