Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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